I was going through my news feed when I came across an article with former U.S. Secret Service agent, Evy Poumpouras, and she said something that
sounds tough and practical:
“Don’t bring your authentic self to work. I don’t want your authentic self to work. I want your professional self. I want your respectful self. I want your empathetic self. I want your competent self.”
She even backed it with a scenario she went through when interrogating a 16-year-old accused of assaulting a 3-year-old. She said if she brought her “authentic New York self” into that room, she would have judged him, exploded, and lost the outcome she needed, getting the truth so the child wouldn’t be harmed again.
I get the point she’s trying to make, yet I also think it goes too far.
Because the lesson isn’t “authenticity makes teams sloppy.” The lesson is:
unregulated emotion and unmanaged behaviour can wreck outcomes. That’s not the same thing as authenticity.
The problem: we’ve turned “authentic” into a bad word
When people say “bring your authentic self,” they can mean a few different things:
- I want to be treated like a human, not a role.
- I want to speak honestly without getting punished.
- I want to stop pretending everything is fine.
- I want to show personality, culture, and identity without being policed.
But some people hear “authentic” and translate it as:
- I get to say whatever I feel, whenever I feel it.
- My mood is everyone’s problem now.
- My opinions are automatically valuable because they’re mine.
Those are different behaviours.
And if we don’t separate them, we end up with a false choice:
- Either be “authentic” and chaotic
- Or be “professional” and fake
That’s a terrible trade.
What she’s right about (and why it resonates)
Let’s be fair: Poumpouras is pointing to a real issue: a version of “authenticity” that becomes self-centred performance. She even says it can turn into “me, me, me” and pull attention away from the team and the mission. In high-stakes work, interrogations, emergency response, surgery, and aviation, you can’t just “feel your feelings” out loud and call it leadership.
- You need control.
- You need restraint.
- You need to choose your behaviour on purpose.
That’s not in dispute.
Where she goes too far: she confuses emotional regulation with being less human
Her story is about
professional regulation.
- She didn’t stop being authentic.
- She stopped being reactive.
- She chose a behaviour that served the mission.
That’s the part I want leaders to learn. Because in most workplaces, the risk isn’t that someone will blow an interrogation.
The risk is that leaders will use “professionalism” as a weapon:
- “Don’t be emotional.”
- “Don’t take it personally.”
- “Leave your problems at the door.”
- “We’re a family here, but don’t make it weird.”
And what people hear is:
- Don’t tell me the truth.
- Don’t disagree with me.
- Don’t name what’s happening.
- Don’t make me uncomfortable.
That’s not high performance.
That’s silence.
The behaviour-first distinction: “authentic” isn’t the goal: aligned behaviour is
Here’s the simplest way I can put it:
Authenticity isn’t permission. It’s not a hall pass to dump your stress on the room.
But professionalism also isn’t a muzzle.
The goal is
aligned behaviour:
- Honest, not harsh
- Direct, not disrespectful
- Human, not unmanaged
- Calm, not numb
If you want a team that performs under pressure, you don’t need less authenticity. What you need are
clearer behavioural expectations, and you need leaders who model them.
The real cost of “leave your authentic self at home”: people stop speaking up
This is where the “don’t bring your authentic self” message becomes dangerous. Because most teams aren’t struggling with too much honesty. They’re struggling with too little because people already self-censor, swallow concerns, and rewrite their emails ten times so they don’t sound “difficult.”
So when a leader, or a headline, says “don’t bring your authentic self,” a lot of people don’t hear “don’t scream in meetings.”
They hear:
- Don’t tell me you’re overwhelmed.
- Don’t tell me the plan is unrealistic.
- Don’t tell me the customer is angry.
- Don’t tell me the quality is slipping.
And then leaders wonder why they only hear about problems when it’s too late.
A better frame: bring your values to work, and regulate your impulses
If you want something practical you can use today, try this:
1) Define “professional” as behaviours, not vibes
Instead of “be professional,” name what you mean:
- “We challenge ideas without attacking people.”
- “We don’t raise our voice in disagreement.”
- “We don’t use sarcasm to punish.”
- “We bring concerns early, not as a surprise.”
2) Make room for truth without making room for harm
You can say:
- “I’m frustrated” without being cruel.
- “I’m worried” without being dramatic.
- “This isn’t working” without being disloyal.
3) Teach the skill nobody teaches: emotional pacing
In Poumpouras’ story, she used pacing:
- non-judgment
- calm tone
- curiosity
That’s a skill.
Most workplaces don’t train it.
They just punish people for not having it.
4) Stop confusing “team-first” with “self-erasure”
A team isn’t strong because everyone disappears.
A team is strong because people can:
- Bring signal
- Name risk
- Disagree cleanly
- Recover after conflict
That requires people to show up as humans, not robots.
The irony: her own story is actually a case for authenticity
Because what made her effective wasn’t that she became fake. It’s that she stayed anchored to a real value:
- Protect the child.
- Get the truth.
- Serve the mission.
That’s authenticity.
Not “whatever I feel in the moment.” But “what I stand for, even under pressure.”
And that’s what most teams are missing, not authenticity, but
clarity of purpose and behaviour. If you’re trying to build agility without wearing your people down, book a focused call:
https://meetings.hubspot.com/jberriault Bring one team that looks “fine” from the outside but feels stretched underneath. We’ll look at what’s contributing to the strain, system, behaviour, or both, and find the first change that helps people breathe, speak honestly, and work in a healthier way. What’s the earliest sign you notice when a team is starting to burn out?
If you want a quick starting point, run the short assessment at berriaultandassociates.com to see what your team or organization needs most. Join the community here:
https://www.skool.com/evolutionary-agilist-9478 More in-depth writing here:
https://substack.com/@jeremyberriaultReference
